Encyclopedia
I bought an encyclopedia set from the library. It cost me a dollar for all of them, the whole set. Three weeks ago they wanted five dollars. I decided to wait them out; I knew they would take less. It is from 1975 and I am so thrilled. I don’t mind that it is so old, things really don’t change that much anyway.
The best stuff in encyclopedia’s are maps and war stuff. In this particular set I like reading about Rhodesia and ICBMS’s. I read about them last night. One could actually destroy the other. Think about that. Two totally unrelated things, divided by eight volumes. Destroy each other. I doubt it would ever happen though, things sound so pleasing in Rhodesia.
My favorite volume is P. I always have a favorite volume. Some people have favorite foods, favorite bands, favorite authors, for me it is the volumes. P can be for pigeons or pig iron. Both are fascinating in their own right. Last Week it was I was into R then I changed. I put my favorites in order.
Here they are:
P,l,m,k,o,n,a,d,q,w,x,z,e,c,b,r,t,g,f,h,n,y,b,u,j,i.
My lover is making me throw them out. She said I wasted my dollar. I told her I would throw them out if she made love to me a single time for each volume. She said, “Well how many of them are there?” I said one for every letter in the alphabet. She replied,”Oh, like two hundred?” I said “uh yeah, how remarkable you guessed.”
“Grrrrrrrr”, I said. “I like when you make Tiger sounds,” My lover shot back.
She smiled so big, I put down M and we went off to be sexy.
Selapher
Selapher hangs her bath robe on the
bathroom door. It is not in the middle
though. Out of the consideration for space
there is a towel rack that is very long
hanging from the top. It occupies the
middle.
To the right of it is a hook we got at
Target. It is plastic and sticks out about five
inches. This allows the user to hang
something on the hook as well as to put
hangers on. The door is white and so is the
hook. Come to think of it the towel rack is
as well. My favorite towel is white. It is
think and soaky. Selapher took it when she
went to a nice hotel once.
The towel and the towel rack are
nice. I also enjoy our other towels. When I
was fat I hated towels that didn't go all the
way around me. It made me very self
conscience of my girth. Now I am
comfortable with all of our towels. I cannot
say at this time that I am bothered by any of
them. It is pleasing to like all of the units of
a set.
I am not enamored with the bath
robe that hangs on the hook. It has been a
bone of contention for me for about two
years now. The robe is extremely heavy. It
is beige and yellow and has a pattern. The
pattern is square-esqe. I suppose it is
square. A square by any other name...Well
you could call it plaid. I think the pattern is
the official hotel Selapher took that from.
Weight is the key here. I am certain
of this. I took a physical science class once
in college and ripped up the fucker. King of
the class, I was. The fact I got an 81 isn't
indicative of my ability. I learned enough to
know why the towel caused me such great
annoyance. It is physics. Evil physics.
Everytime I open the door the robe is
in my way. If I try to close the door to go to
the bathroom the robe impedes the closing.
The action of the door actually swings the
towel. The inertia of the robe continues
even after the door changes direction. So
when I go to close the door the robe has
flown halfway out and squish.
Wedged in the door.
Now, you may think, what's the big
deal? Well I will tell you. It is called
paranoid uptightness. I have a little
physchological issue. I think that every time
I use the bathroom, someone is outside
listening. Whether I am standing or sitting,
the fear of a terribly human noise escaping
the confines of the lavatory are too much
for me. I cannot stand public toilets. I
always run the sink to cover up any possible
noise.
Wedged in the door.
Selapher keeps the robe there. It
hangs like the sword of Damacles over my
head. In a figurative sense. I cannot bring
myself to think that any one does anything
out of malice. I am convinced that
everything bad is done out of disregard or
insanity. The brain is a machine.
The body is a machine. It is the
greatest machine ever made. An organic
achievement beyond anything we can ever
imagine. The problem is that like all
machines, the body breaks. The brain
breaks. There is no warranty, no money
back guarantee. You can change the oil and
replace the parts but eventually it all breaks
down. Stops, just stops working eventually.
Especially the brain. My computer
up there doesn't work like it used to. It gets
confused and confounded.
